Confronting the Mirror

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Do you often wonder, you aren’t doing enough?

Well, welcome to my world. 

My name is Sobia Samir and I am not afraid to admit that I struggle with my body. Let me reintroduce your next door personal trainer who seems to have it all figured out but very often stood in front of the mirror feeling like shit. 

About 7 years ago, I got into fitness as a joke with my friend to get abs whilst completely ignoring the fact that I had deep rooted body dysmorphia, which haunts me to date. I didn’t know if it started at school where my body was developing differently or was it all that TV I watched where women portrayed the perfect body to be a type. All I know is, I hated my own skin. 

I did every YouTube routine possible, worked out twice a day, ran endlessly and all for what? Just so that I could be smaller. A size society said was perfect (but in my own eyes, it still wasn’t enough). Even when I could fit into a S size tee and was dropping down pant sizes (not in a good way) it didn’t make me feel how I thought it would. 

Soon I was starving, surviving on orange juice and barely a meal a day (which did make me look skinnier) but it still wasn’t enough. Now I was just this unhealthy being which made me feel bitterer than when I began my journey. All I wished was to miraculously wake up with smaller shoulders & waist…

It was only 4 years ago that I realised, I didn’t wish for a different me, I wished for a me who could be comfortable in her own skin. But obviously I totally lost sight of that in the process of wanting to get smaller. That is when I decided to change my mindset around. 

I started researching, reading up on various fitness papers, watching women across the globe talk about the same issues as me and that’s when I knew, it was time to be me and say goodbye to small me.

Today I have gained over 4inches on my glutes + 2.5inches on my arms and I haven’t felt more alive. I ditched the weight machine, I ditched diet culture and I ditched despising my body. I accept where I am today and I only want to grow mindfully while repairing my gut post years of dieting and starving. I won’t lie even today it is easier for me to skip a meal than eat but every time I am sitting there contemplating, I just force feed myself and remind me to never be that girl again. 

With each passing day, I am gaining more control over my mind & body, enjoying life and celebrating me like I should have from the beginning. So what if I am not a size zero, atleast I got my sanity intact (somewhat oops). 

To all my girlies out there, quit trying to be small, quit hating your skin and quit comparing. We are all built different. Yes you can change the way you look but don’t you go wishing for someone else’s body. Fuel yourself with love, food and joy. You are enough and whole within yourself. 

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